It's only now that its been almost 3 months since the birth of our son that I can look back at his birth and consider it a thing of beauty. It is possible I'm into some weird shit but in the end, after all the screaming, crying, ripping, panicking and blood bath, birth really is a thing of magic and beauty. (It's official, I'm one of those people.) I was blessed to have been guided through my pregnancy by midwives. These are angles in human costumes who are ever patient and loving at a time when new mothers are so overwhelmed, flustered, worried and over run with hormones almost no-one can stand to be around them. I knew from the moment I found out I was pregnant I wanted to go through it with the aid of a midwife and aim for a natural birth. My Husband on the other hand was not onboard. It took the better part of my first trimester to convince him. Once he did some actual research and stopped listening to the naysayers he was totally in. Really, all he did was watch a video of a woman having a water birth and he was in tears telling me lets do it! From beginning to end it was the absolute best experience. Like most first time moms, once I started to experience labour I was really nervous verging on panicked. I didn't have a typical experience of labour either and actually had to "Google" the symptoms I was having. After all the classes, reading and information overload during my pregnancy, nowhere along the way did I ever hear or learn about "hip labour". I had terrible pain in my hips throughout my pregnancy, so much so that I had to completely change how I slept, how I worked out and even limped to get around at work on several occasions. I chalked it up to expansion in my hips and that was that. While my hips did expand and will most likely stay slightly wider then they were before, I never knew such a labour was possible or that pain like that was possible to live through. And when it started it came on strong and fast! My husband and I usually go to bed around 1030-11 most nights and this night wasn't any different. We had decided that night that we should switch sides of the bed so that the bassinet would be more accessible to me when he finally arrives. This small insignificant change seemed to set off a whole series of events! Since we switched sides we also had to move our phones chargers and this meant my husband had to move the armoire out from the wall on his new side slightly. Again not a big deal but for some reason this set me off! To me, suddenly the whole room looked stupid and I got really irritated! Then being irritated over something so dumb made me even more irritated. Tony was able to fall asleep right away as usual, but I was laying there is a semi rage, fuming about nothing. Then my hips started to really hurt. The pain was definitely noticeable and I got out of bed to try to stretch and walk around a bit. The pain went away so I got back in bed and almost right away the pain started to build again. WTF! I got out of bed a second time and walked around the living room again then returned to bed once more, seriously annoyed. My head barely hit the pillow when my hips started screaming for the third time. That was it, I was just getting up. I walked around and got my knitting and sat down on the couch thinking Ill just knit and watch netflix all night. NOPE. I got maybe 4-5 stitches in and my hips were seriously not happy. What the hell is this? Am I in labour? The pain was definitely building in intervals and I thought I'd start timing them while I got on google. I had to stand leaning slightly hovered over my desk to do so and discovered that, yes, labouring in ones hips is totally a thing and usually a sign of a fast and intense labour. Feelings of excitement, terror, panic and survival flooded over me and I contacted my midwife. I know they're trained to speak to women in a calming voice and thank god. Once she started talking to me I could see myself getting through this. The contractions at this point were 30-40 seconds long and coming every 3.5-4 minutes. I was told to get in the bath or do something that would relax me and call her back when they are closer together. So, I got in the shower vainly thinking I want to look good for this!!! Omg I'm an idiot!! I barley made it through the shower and had to hang onto the shower curtains and faucet several times. Getting out I thought I was going to rip the towel rack of the wall. The contractions were now 1 minute apart lasting 1 minute. Fuuuuck was all I could think as I literally crawled on the floor from the bathroom to my office, gripping walls as I went to call my midwife back. "It's time, wake Tony up, I'll see you at the Birthing Centre in 45 minutes." "IT'S TIME AHHHHHHH!" is how I woke tony up at 2am then dropped to the floor and screamed bloody murder. Thank god we finally put a bag together that night incase something does happen. I stayed in my pyjamas and tony threw on whatever was close as he asked me what to do! "I don't know just get in the car. You have to drive." As if that needed clarifying. We live in the country an easy 30 minutes away from the nearest stores and close to an hour from the Birthing Centre. At this time of night there is a lot of fog and deer are imminent. Poor Tony was trying to get there as fast as he could but I kept yelling not to speed, thinking if we hit a deer, I'm still having this baby! When we got there my midwife met us in the parking lot since she could hear me screaming from inside! Apparently they have you fill out some paperwork upon arrival there, but my baby had other plans. We were taken to our room where I proceeded to strip down completely naked. I was so overheated, sweaty and starting to feel claustrophobic, I desperately needed to get out of my clothes. I was examined. 9cm dilated already!! OMG this is happening and right now. I was lead to the birthing pool which may as well have been filled with boiling water and got in. The heat was unexpected but it did feel nice. That is, until the next contraction hit. I'm surprised Tony and the midwife have full use of their hands. I grabbed a hand each and squeezed like hell almost every time a contraction hit. For most the weightlessness of being in the birthing pool is a relief, but for me there would be no relief. I tried the nitrous oxide (laughing gas) as well but that seemed to increase the panicked feeling that was taking over. I suddenly realized that I didn't want to be in the pool anymore, I needed to be on the bed. It looked to comfy and familiar and as though its appearance would offer some sort of false comfort. "Just think, 6 more contractions and your baby will be here" was the encouragement I got at one point. Fuck that! I was not under any circumstance going to endure 6 more of these contractions!! No way! I didn't feel the overwhelming need to push but knew it was the only way to make all this stop. Let me take a moment here to try to explain what hip labour feels like. Imagine a medieval torture device, the kind that pulls your arms in one direction, while pulling your legs in the opposite. This was the sensation in my hips. Extreme stretching and pulling apart while simultaneously being hammer drilled back in. This pain would radiate up my low back, but never once did I feel anything in my uterus. The feeling would start as a burning sensation in my hips then build and build into this ripping apart inferno. I now know what blinding pain feel like. At its hight, it would feel as though I could see the pain. It had colour and energy like a living force, otherwise known as Hell. I was helped out of the pool and waddled over to the bed, stopping to hit the floor along the way in agony with a contraction. Once I finally made it the short but very long distance to the bed, I lay down on my back in your typical birthing position. I felt the urge to push so did and with that my water broke, gushing out of me in a volcano like flood all over the midwife! I screamed SORRY at the top of my lungs as another contraction took over. Being on my back laying with my hips open was making things worse. Instinct told me to get on my hands and knees like a dog. His head was starting to show. I pushed and instinctively reached down to grab his head and felt what was going in. EEWWW!! I retracted my hand. There is really only so much I could take I guess. I gathered up the pillows and blankets in my hands and held on. I pushed and pushed, screaming so loud I'm sure the next province could hear me and then everything when silent. It was over. I felt him gush out of me but was in a complete state of shock. I slowly looked over at Tony who was crying and saying something that I couldn't make out. Slowly I could hear him and the midwife's voice coming in. "It's ok Ashley, pick up your baby" I could hear faint crying getting louder and louder. I finally caught my breath so to speak and was back in the room! OMG it's over! He's here! I picked him up and fell more in love then I ever thought possible. This wrinkly, bloody, screaming mess was the most beautiful creation I had ever seen. In that moment there was no more pain, just sheer amazement. I had torn slightly with the pushing and speed that everything happened with. Tony and I swooned over Holden as I birthed the placenta and was stitched up. The adrenaline was so great that I could have had a leg amputated and not notice at this point. I was back to making jokes with everyone and calling my parents and closest friends as thought I hadn't just been through hell. I am so grateful that I was able to fulfil my dream of having a natural birth, although I would have tapped out if I could have. Who am I kidding? There is a very good reason epidural exists and woman who choose to take advantage of them still have to endure incredible pain. The pain of labour and child birth doesn't stop once the baby is born though and this is true for everyone no matter how your baby arrives into the world. In my opinion the worst recovery is that of a c-section. You have to go about navigating your new life as a mom all while healing an incision in your abdomen! No one is exempt from the pain and recovery of child birth. I am just forever grateful that I was able to experience my sons birth the way I had hoped, with a few added surprises here and there.
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Author30 years old and finally did something in life worth talking about. Candid, naked truths about life from my perspective. Archives |